Here is why a lot of men (and women) leave relationships: they feel bad and blame it on their partner. It is called projection. If a man wakes up a few mornings in a row and feels unhappy, he will tend not to own this feeling. He won't just admit he has bad or heavy feelings this morning. Instead, subconsciously, he will tend to look around, see his mate, and blame her. We must be falling out of love!
"I feel empty and a loss of passion. It must be her, she isn't as loving as she used to be!" Projection is that simple and happens that easily.
So before her first cup of coffee he feels justified to elbow her awake and start in on her: "Hey, do you have to work so much? Why don't you ever take time to be with me?"
Projection occurs in a thousand different ways and levels, many not nearly so obvious as this. And projection occurs in part because we have not been well trained in our society to own and acknowledge our feelings. One of the most common causes of relationships breaking up is projection.
Jim has been feeling off lately. He tells Janey he isn't too happy, and is falling out of love with her. Now, what's happening in reality is that Jim is having some feelings of ennui and emptiness. In the emotional journey that all lives are, "emptiness" has come up for him. It is a feeling we all get as human beings from time to time. He could honestly say to himself "I am having feelings of emptiness. I notice nothing seems to be very exciting lately. Everything, including my love life and work life, seems dull and listless. What an amazing feeling to have!"
Sure, Jim could start to take responsibility for his feelings rather than blame Janey for his unhappiness. But we were never taught how to do this. We all seem to think if you feel bad you need to change something outside, like get a better car, or job, or lover.
We all have what can be called a "Shadow Side" of the Self. This is a part of our psyche where we store feelings that we can't own. Like anger, or sadness, or hate, or fear. We tell the world we are feeling fine, while we walk around with a whole shadow side that is suppressed. So a man will be happy one moment, then stub his toe and "lose control," screaming and swearing and ranting. This is just the shadow side being expressed!
So why do men leave? Often it is because of projection. They project their unhappiness onto you. Can you get your ex back if this has happened? It is difficult, and it may take a while, but in some cases it can be done.
You can discover more about all of this and the other Immediate Reconnect Strategies to get your ex back in a course about How To Get Your Love Back Now. Joanie S Angel teaches relationship and emotional intelligence courses and you can get the free course 7 Vital Love Insights You Never discovered In School here at Help For Relationship Problems.
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